


Babylon Grease (The Musical)

by fixomnia



Category: Babylon 5, Grease (1978)
Genre: Parody, Sci-Fi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-05-15
Updated: 2010-05-15
Packaged: 2017-10-09 11:13:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,182
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/86643
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fixomnia/pseuds/fixomnia
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>The inspiration for this bit of randomness is threefold: one, the unhealthy obsession that my childhood best friend and I had for the Travolta/Newton-John movie; two, the merging of Jeff Conaway's career-bookends, "Keneckie" and "Zack Allen"; and three, the sudden auditory hallucination of Ambassador Delenn singing, "Appropriately Devoted to You". After that, there was no sleep to be had until the whole thing played out. True Greasers will see there's still a lot of territory to fill in.</p><p>The disturbing part is the number of lines that needed little filking...which says a lot about the alienation of teenagers in the 1950's, if nothing else!</p><p>Anyway, enjoy.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Babylon Grease (The Musical)

**Author's Note:**

> The inspiration for this bit of randomness is threefold: one, the unhealthy obsession that my childhood best friend and I had for the Travolta/Newton-John movie; two, the merging of Jeff Conaway's career-bookends, "Keneckie" and "Zack Allen"; and three, the sudden auditory hallucination of Ambassador Delenn singing, "Appropriately Devoted to You". After that, there was no sleep to be had until the whole thing played out. True Greasers will see there's still a lot of territory to fill in.
> 
> The disturbing part is the number of lines that needed little filking...which says a lot about the alienation of teenagers in the 1950's, if nothing else!
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

**Opening Sequence:**

Babylon Five, all alone in the night, spinning slowly among the stars. Various shuttles and ships enter and leave the docking bays.

The Ambassadors, the Command Crew and various Babylon 5 citizens are shown going about their business.

C&amp;C changes shifts on the bridge; the X-Wings (da men) slap and shake hands as they meet for dinner; the Blue Ladies (the gals) meet with hugs and proceed to cruise the ZoCoLo.

Closeups on Ambassador Delenn, just arrived on the station, being deposited in the ZoCoLo by her diplomatic escort. She looks graceful but obviously feels out of place, and Lyta Alexander smilingly comes to her side to make friends and put her at her ease. Ivanova watches them with a slight sneer.

Vir bounces eagerly up to the X-Wings' table. G'Kar takes his clipboard away and gives him a noogie.

Captain Johnny Sheridani, a famous veteran of the Earth-Minbar war, arrives in the Mess and greets his buddies.

Garibaldi is giving a pep talk to the new Security Staff: "Security is like life. You gotta push, you gotta sweat..."

Over this montage, the opening song plays:

We solve our problems and we see the light  
We gotta change the past, we gotta make it right  
There ain't no danger we can go too far  
We start believing now, that we can be who we are

Space is the word  
They think our station's just a spinning pain  
Why don't they understand, it's just a crying shame  
The Senate's lying, only truth is real  
Voice of the Resistance gotta make a new deal.

Space is the word  
Babylon Five (is the word, is the word that you heard)  
We got grav, we got meaning  
Space is the time and it's the place in motion  
Space is the way we are feeling

We're Independent and we throw away  
The protectionist way - belongs to yesterday.  
Don't take orders from EarthGov no more,  
We pull together now, we can avoid a war

Space is the word  
Babylon Five (is the word, is the word that you heard)  
It's got grav, it's got meaning  
Space is the time, is the place is the motion  
Space is the way we are feeling  
This is the life of the future  
A microcosm wrapped in a just a few sheets of tin,  
What are we doing here?

We've got Alliances, we won't be bought,  
Gotta make this last, need all the friends we got.  
There is a chance that we can make it so far  
We start believing now, that we can be who we are

Space is the word  
Babylon Five (is the word, is the word that you heard)  
We got grav, we got meaning  
Space is the time and it's the place in motion  
Space is the way we are feeling

Babylon Five (is the word, is the word that you heard)  
We got grav, we got meaning  
Space is the time and it's the place in motion  
Space is the way we are feeling

Space is the word  
Is the word  
Is the word...

* * *

Johnny Sheridani sits with the X-Wings in the Mess. He regales them with his version of history, while Ambassador Delenn, lately arrived herself, gives a slightly different rendition to her new friends, the Blue Ladies.

S: Wartime shootin', had me a blast  
D: Wartime shootin', happened so fast  
S: Met a Minbari, sweet piece of class -  
D: Met a human, reckless and crass.  
Both: Wartime days, sparring away, to ah! Oh, those starry nights

Ladies: Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Ivanova: Like does he have a ship?  
X-Wings: Tell me more, tell me more  
Molari: Are you losing your grip?  
X-Wings: Uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo-doo-doo)

S: She flew by me, strafed up her cohort,  
D: He flew by me, listing to port,  
S: I let her go, too easy to chase,  
D: He showed off, in hyperspace  
Both: Wartime fun, something's begun, but oh! Those starry nights.

Ladies: Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Lyta: Yeah, she's telling the truth.  
X-Wings: Tell me more, tell me more  
Lennier: Oh, it's all so uncouth!  
X-Wings: Uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo-doo-doo)

D: He got friendly, told me to stand down,  
S: Well, she got angry, shot my wingman down,  
D: Ended the mission - nothing to gain,  
S: Took me hostage, screwed with my brain...  
Both: Wartime flings don't mean a thing, but oh! Those starry nights.

Ladies: Well-a well-a well-a huh  
Tell me more, tell me more  
Garibaldi: So your memory's messed?  
X-Wings: Tell me more, tell me more  
Dr. Marcus: I'd like to run a few tests.  
X-Wings: Uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) uh-huh (doo-doo) - yeah!

S: Woke up in Minbar, thought I was real gone  
D: Planted a message deep in his neurons  
S: Then Minbar made a peacetime vow,  
D: Wonder what he's doing now?  
Both: Wartime dreams, ripped at the seams,  
But – oh, those starry nights!

* * *

Strolling down to the ZoCoLo, Johnny is surprised and delighted to see Delenn again, but his cool attitude and graceless behaviour soon put him in the doghouse. Delenn tells him in no uncertain terms that he's a fake, a phony, and she wishes she'd never opened fire on him.

Johnny wanders up to the bridge to reflect on his idiocy in peace:

Stranded on the bridge deck  
Feelin' adrift,  
What will they say, on alpha shift?  
Oh, Delenn, I have been desolate within.  
Made a start, now we're apart,  
I'm without you again.  
Love has flown, and all alone  
I sit and wonder when, oh when  
I'll see you again,  
Oh, Delenn.

Oh, sweet Minbari,  
Someday, when this war is done,  
Somehow, someway, our two worlds will be one.  
In Babylon, forever, and ever we'll live then,  
Oh, please say you'll stay,  
Oh, Delenn.

(spoken) Delenn, my darlin',  
You hurt me real bad.  
You know it's true.  
But Ambassador,  
You gotta believe me  
When I say  
I'm hopeless without you.

Love has flown, all alone,  
I sit and wonder when, oh when  
When will you return?  
Oh, Delenn.

* * *

Delenn ducks into the women's restroom to compose herself after the shock of seeing Johnny. Ivanova watches her leave, grabs a fake Minbari-bone headband from a nearby stall in the ZoCoLo, and, putting it on, sings:

Look at me, I'm Minbari  
Bone for hair is fine with me  
Won't raise my voice till there's no other choice,  
I can't! I'm Minbari!

Watch it! Hey, I don't play that way.  
I am of the Council Gray.  
Won't take a side as a matter of pride,  
No, not the Minbari!

I don't drink (no!) or swear (no!)  
I don't have any hair,  
I've a ritual for every minute!  
Keep your X-Wing squads  
Far from Minbar's quads!  
Would you pull that crap with the Senate?

As for you, you human crew,  
I know what you wanna do!  
You keep your fleet on your side of the street  
Don't bug the Minbari!

Valen, Valen! Speak to me!  
Show us how we oughta be!  
Always so cool, like they taught us in school  
Hey! I'm Minbari!

Delenn returns in time to hear the last verse, and politely inquires: "Are you perhaps having sport with me, Lieutenant?"

Ivanova returns: "Some people are so touchy!"

* * *

Delenn heads for the Gardens, her new favourite meditation space, and thinks that despite Johnny's human bravado and arrogance, he was placed in an awkward spot, having to defend his actions in front of his fellow-soldiers, and that he couldn't appear to be favouring the Minbari – even her – among all the Ambassadors. She know she still loves him, despite it…and that Minbar would never approve.

Guess mine is not the first heart broken  
By edict or by Council Gray,  
I'm not the first to know  
There's just no proper path to take.

I know that I am called to answer,  
To make a choice where none exists,  
But Minbar, can't you see,  
I'm appropriately devoted to you.

But now there's nowhere to hide  
Great turmoil inside,  
I'm not calm of mind,  
But appropriately devoted to you,  
Appropriately devoted to you.  
Appropriately devoted to you.

My head is saying, "Fool, forget him,"  
My heart is saying, "Don't let go -  
Hold on to the end." And that's what I intend to do.  
Appropriately devoted to you.

But now there's nowhere to hide  
Great turmoil inside,  
I'm not calm of mind,  
Appropriately devoted to you.  
Appropriately devoted to you.  
Appropriately devoted to you.

* * *

While Delenn is meditating upon love and duty, Lyta Alexander is having her own reckoning with destiny. She's 'borrowed' a personal shuttlecraft, with the intention of running away. She knows she'll be found eventually by the Psi-corps, and that she can't expect Sheridani and his crew to protect a runaway T-path. She thinks everyone will be better off without her, and her only hope is to get far enough away that she can hitch a ride with some other commercial ship.

She makes it as far as the jump gate, when a sepulchral Teen Vorlon appears to her, with an important message:

Your story's sad to tell  
A psychic ne'er-do-well  
Most mixed-up latent T-path on the block  
Your future's so unclear now,  
What's left of your career now,  
Can't even get a contract with the mob

Psi-corps dropout,  
No more sheltered life for you  
Psi-corps dropout,  
Stuck your whole life at Level Two  
Well, at least you could have taken time to cover all your traces  
'Stead of hitching rides on any crate to Godforsaken places!

Baby, get scanning,  
Why let your natural talent lie,  
Baby, get planning,  
You could do worse than Babylon Five,  
If you turn Independent, you'll stay safe and you can thrive,  
Turn in your Psi-corps badge and go back to Bab Five.

Psi-corps dropout,  
Hanging around the jump-gate zone  
Psi-corps dropout,  
You wouldn't last a day alone.  
Well, they couldn't teach you anything, you followed what you loved,  
But you don't know how you'll pay for your next pair of leather gloves.

Baby, don't sweat it,  
You're not cut out for Bester's team,  
Baby, forget it,  
You could be part of a bigger dream.  
Now you've been betrayed, you're renegade, but still you're here alive,  
Turn round your shuttlecraft and go back to Bab Five.

Baby don't blow it  
Don't put my good advice to shame  
Baby you know it  
Even we Vorlons say the same  
Now I've called the shot, get off the pot, I really gotta fly,  
Gotta get back to that encounter-suit in the sky.

Enchanted and inspired, she takes his advice, and decides to identify herself properly to the Command Crew, and trust that they'll help her stay alive and be useful to them.

* * *

The X-Wings have not been idle meanwhile: they are busy building a new Hydro-Bike for tooling around the corridors. Lennier tells them of the archaic, fossil-fuel burning motorcycles of old Earth, which were a symbol of power and sexual prowess for young men…and they're pretty pumped about their project.

Garibaldi: We'll get some shiny chrome fenders and a carbon-fiber spine  
G'Kar: Keep talking, whoa, keep talking,  
Garibaldi: A fuel-modifier and a exhaust-reclamation line  
Vir: I'll get the credits, you bet I'll get the credits  
Marcus: A little bit of solder, she'll run on tap water,  
Lennier: You know the paperwork's approved,  
We'll be gettin' in the groove in  
All: Clean Hydro

All: Go, Clean Hydro  
You're burning up the ZoCoLo  
Clean Hydro, go, Clean Hydro,  
Go, Clean Hydro,  
You're coastin' through Down Below  
Clean Hydro, go Clean Hydro  
You're supreme,  
The chicks'll scream  
For Clean Hydro

Molari: We'll get some purple neon runners and an LED array, oh yeah  
All: Clean Hydro, go Clean Hydro,  
Lennier: An ergonomic dashboard and an LCD display, oh yes  
All: Clean Hydro, go Clean Hydro,  
Marcus: With new anti-grav shocks, we'll be speedin' round the blocks  
Garibaldi: You know that I ain't braggin, she's a real lightnin' wagon,  
All: Clean Hydro

All: Go, Clean Hydro  
You're burning up the ZoCoLo  
Clean Hydro, go, Clean Hydro,  
Go, Clean Hydro,  
You're coastin' through Down Below  
Clean Hydro, go, Clean Hydro,  
You're supreme,  
The chicks'll scream  
For Clean Hydro

* * *

It's time for Ivanova's big debut as the spokesperson for the Voice of the Resistance. She arrives at C&amp;C, flanked by a corps of military and policy types, and faces the camera:

There are worse things I could do  
Than space a Drasi or two  
Even though EarthGov thinks I'm bitchy  
And turned rogue,  
I suppose it could be true  
But there are worse things I could do.

I could diss the other races,  
Insult them to their faces,  
Tell them we're the military giants,  
We don't want them in our Alliance,  
Act like EarthGov wants us to -  
That's a thing I'd never do.

We'll stay on bridge every night,  
Step in and end the next fight,  
Between races who are just learning  
To start over, while their homes are burning  
We'll work towards a future we may never see  
We won't be a puppet Embassy.

You may spread your damning lies,  
Call us traitors, send your spies,  
But we are the signal through the noise,  
And we speak with one voice  
And to do as you want us to,  
That's the worst thing we could do.

* * *

Delenn, jarred from her meditations by the sound of the boys' Hydro Bike on the floor overhead, comes to a decision in the Meditation Garden:

Look at me, there has to be  
Something more than propriety,  
Hold your head high,  
Take a deep breath and sigh:  
No more, a Minbari!

That's the last anyone sees of Delenn for several days. It's Lennier who finally encounters her as she comes out of her chrysalis, half-human and half-Minbari. She's weak, but resolute, and Ivanova and Lyta are unexpectedly kind in helping her adjust to her more human form. Lyta in particular has sussed out the unrequited love between the Ambassador and the Captain, and helps Delenn with her appearance "to knock the Captain's eyes out – that's just a human figure of speech…"

Next time Johnny Sheridani sees Delenn in the ZoCoLo, she's a serious knockout, with long brown curls and warm eyes, and human-style clothes than show off that famous Minbari physique. He's blown away, and is only too happy to set old scores aside.

* * *

Delenn explains a certain Minbari lovers-courtship ritual that she insists he must follow if they are to be together. It involves, among other things, a group of respectable elder Minbari standing guard outside their chamber door to ensure that nothing untoward occurs. Johnny is taken aback, to say the least, but eventually sees the light of reason. Or something.

S: I got chills.  
They're multiplyin'.  
And I'm losin' my nerve.  
'Cause that gang of  
hovering Minbari  
\--it's a little scary!

D: You better shape up,  
There's a ritual,  
and my heart is set on you.  
You better shape up;  
you better understand  
to my faith I must be true.

S: Just tell me what, tell me what you want me to do -

'Both: Cause you're the one that I want.  
(you are the one I want), o,o, oo, honey.  
The one that I want.  
(you are the one I want), o,o,oo, honey.  
The one that I want  
(you are the one I want), o,o, ooooo  
The one I need.  
Oh, yes indeed.

D: If you're seeking perfection  
Hear what I say:  
Meditate upon connection -  
See the way.

S: I better shape up, 'cause there's a ritual,  
(D: I need a man) I can keep you satisfied.  
I better shape up if I'm gonna prove  
(D: you better prove) that my faith is justified.

D: Are you sure?  
S: Yes, I'm sure down deep inside.

Both: You're the one that I want.  
(you are the one I want), o, o, oo, honey.  
The one that I want.  
(you are the one I want), o,o,oo, honey.  
The one that I want  
(you are the one I want),o, o, oo  
The one I need.  
Oh, yes indeed.

* * *

At Sheridani and Delenn's wedding some months later, all the Ambassadors and Command &amp; Control Crew celebrate with the new couple, and a general feelgood chorus in a variety of alien languages breaks out:

We go together like  
rama lama lama  
ke ding a de dinga a dong  
Remembered forever, like  
shoo bop shoo wadda wadda yipitty boom de boom

Chang chang chang-it-ty chang shoo-bop  
That's the way it should be - Wha oooh yeah!

We're one of a kind  
Like dip di-dip di-dip  
Doo-bop a doo-bee doo  
Our names are signed  
Boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy  
Shoo-by doo-wop she-bop

Chang chang chang-it-ty chang shoo-bop  
We'll always speak as one - Wa-wa-wa-waaa!

When we look out at night  
And stars are shinin' bright  
Below us and above,  
Or in the Garden Zone  
Where you can meet your own,  
Maybe it might be lo-oh oh oh-oh oh-ove

Ra-ma la-ma la-ma ka ding a da ding de dong  
Shoo-bop sha wad-da wad-da yipp-it-y boom de boom  
Chang chang chang-it-ty chang shoo-bop  
Dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop da doo-bee doo  
Boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-ed-y  
Shoo-by doo-wop she-bop  
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na yip-pit-y boom de boom  
Ra-ma la-ma la-ma ka ding-a de ding de dong  
Shoo-bop sha wad-da wad-da yipp-it-y boom de boom  
Chang chang chang-it-ty chang shoo-bop  
Dip da-dip da-dip doo-wop da doo-bee doo  
Boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy boog-e-dy  
shoo-by doo-wop she-bop  
Sha-na-na-na-na-na-na-na yip-pit-ty boom de boom

A wop ba-ba lu-mop  
A wop bam boom  
We're for each other like  
A wop ba-ba lu-mop and wop bam boom  
Just like my brother  
Sha na na na na na yip-pit-y dip de boom

Chang chang chang-it-ty chang shoo-bop  
We'll always be together  
Wha oooh yeah!  
We'll always be together  
We'll always be together  
We'll always be together…

* * *

And the credits start rolling to the final tune:

Babylon Five is here to stay  
it will never die  
It was built to be that way,  
A better world in the sky,  
I don't care what people say,  
Babylon Five is here to stay  
(We don't care what people say, Babylon Five is here to stay)  
Babylon Five will always be  
our home till the end  
We'll go down in history,  
just you wait, my friend  
Babylon Five will always be,  
it'll go down in history  
(Babylon Five will always be, it'll go down in history)  
So come on,  
everybody rock,  
everybody rock,  
everybody rock,  
everybody rock  
Everybody rock  
Now everybody rock 'n roll,  
everybody rock 'n roll,  
everybody rock 'n roll  
Everybody rock 'n roll,  
everybody rock 'n roll  
Babylon Five will always be  
our home till the end  
We'll go down in history,  
just you wait, my friend  
Babylon Five will always be,  
it'll go down in history  
If you don't like Babylon five  
think what you've been missin'  
But if you want to stay alive,  
come on down and listen  
Let's all start to have a ball,  
everybody rock 'n roll  
Ah, oh baby, ah, oh baby, ah, oh baby, ah, oh Babylon Five!


End file.
